<p><i>Visited by a neighbor at the most needed time, I finally got room to vent .. </i></p>
<p><i>There's been </i><i>so much running thru my </i><i>mind .. it could drive a person insane .. </i></p>
<p><i>My dads condition, bills, finding my cuddle buddy, making sure the kids are taken care of, content && have everything they need, finding a job .. etc ..
Well while the neighbor was around, she asked me in the most serious way .. how do u do it ??
I was kinda confused .. wht r u tlking about ??
She said "ur a full time mom to 2 beautiful boys, part time mom to 3 othr kids, u maintain ur anger && depression when ur husbands around, u do the laundry, wash the dishes, feed the kids, then ur husband, u give the kids baths, clean their room, make their beds, && tuck them in at night .. u make sure he has clean socks && a lunch before he has to go to work .. u make time for everything .. but yourself .. did u evr experience being a teenager ?? Do u evr have time for just you ?? Because if u get this job .. its only going to be harder hun ..
I just kinda sat there for a minute I guess .. it fealt like forevr .. I kno .. is all I could tell her ..
She said .. "i wish I were u .. yea u let things get to u sometimes .. but I've nvr seen a mom who's so content when things can go so wrong .. your so young .. ur still a kid .. "
&& all tht ran thru my head .. is yea .. I kno .. I'm a kid with kids .. but I'd rathr it be tht way .. why ?? Because I don't wanna be one of those kids out there who thought they were truly in love with one douchebag of a guy .. I used to think I knew wht love was .. in reality .. I didn't .. I didn't kno wht true love was until I met my boys those very first times ..
Now I kno wht my dad .. && my mom fealt meeting me && my sistr .. && I wouldn't change tht for the world .. I would nvr had asked for bettr parents .. every kid goes thru a stage where they think oh they're lucky .. their parents don't give a shit .. I did a few times .. but I'm honestly glad mine gave a shit .. if they wouldn't had .. Idk where I'd be .. deff not here ..
They're my biggest inspirations .. my heroes .. just as my boys , my step daughters, && step son is .. just like Ty , Ronan, && Tay were .. they showed me, life could always be worse .. so be happy with wht u have .. because while u have life, othrs have nothing .. no shelter, mother, fathr .. literally .. nothing ..
&& knowing I'm not as big of a Christian as I used to be .. I do still believe in god .. && I do still pray daily .. pray for guidance, strength thru the hard times .. && patience .. because thts all I need besides my boys && family physically ..
So .. yes .. sometimes it is hard doing everything on ur own && feeling as if u have no freedom .. sometimes it is hard to feel like the only one who knows wht they want outta life .. && honestly it wasn't hard having to grow up so fast .. because no mattr wht .. I graduated high school .. no mattr wht .. I graduated college .. && no mattr wht .. I always have support when I needa little push to strive to get to my dream ..
My neighbors just starstruck at the life I life I live at such a young age .. but no mattr wht .. I'm always gonna thank my daddy, mommy, aiden && Jr, Shelby, Conner && maci .. because y'all are the first ones I think about in the morning when I wake up, && the last people I think about when I go to sleep .. because every day I'm thankful to have been blessed with walking angels ..
:)
Time to clean now ..
G'night readers .. sweet love from me, aiden, && Jr ..
P.s .. I'm really hoping this job will help me with my dream .. I'm really hoping tht I can get those bracelets made for Ty .. just like I promised his mama
:)
Love ya Ty .. && I really miss u darling <33
No comments:
Post a Comment