This feeling of terror, just wont go away ..

What do you do when one of the most important people in your life, are hanging by a thread?

what do you do when you have to stay strong, just to keep everyone else going?

What do you do when you feel absolutely helpless?

Because there is nothing you can do while your father, is lying in a hospital bed, hoping && praying that he will wake up in the morning.

What do you do in that point in time?

I cant hold his hand && say that everything is ok,

visiting hours are over.

What do you do when you see your mother crying on the stairs, because shes so scared he wont come back home.

What do you do?

Writing? What is it going to do?

At this point in time, not really much of anything, except maybe lighten my load a tad.

 

The amount of emotions I'm going through, I cant even begin to describe.

Family is family. No matter what.

Family isn't always blood.

 

Helpless. That's the only emotion I can clearly explain.

Because I cant take his pain, I cant take his suffering.

I cant take the tears my mother has cried away, because I don't know how.

I cant take this fear away from my sister, because I'm experiencing it as well.

From the point to when I woke up, to now.

The fear of your father not coming back home.

The fear of your children's grandfather, never taking a step through the front door again.

This fear, is the main emotion.

Its not like I can get a hold of him, he didn't want his phone.

He wanted nothing, but to collect his thoughts, && process everything that is going on.

If this man doesn't come back home, my life, will fall apart.

We've had our spats, every family does, but in the end, we both apologized, && forgave each other.

 

We're a family, always have been && always will be.

 

I honestly have no idea where I was going with this post. I felt like if I tried to talk about it, it would help.

I was once again, wrong.

Because you cant talk about a feeling that you don't understand.

 

I'm done.

 

All I can do is pray that one of the main men in my life, comes back home.

Safely, && better than he was these past few weeks.

 

Good night world. I'm going to clean, or read, in hopes that something will distract me from this thing we call life.