It started with one, two, three.

One, two, three. 
maybe its the same with me, 
as it is for him.

that was my state of mind. thats how i felt it would be. I was beyond wrong. As i sit here, writing a letter, && thinking, im reading my bible. trying to figure out where all Ive gone wrong in my life. for example, why did my marriage fail? why do my kids treat me the way they do? why am i used, abused, && lied to the way i constantly the way that i am. 

I have two little boys, sleeping next to me. two little boys whom were never supposed to make it. thats where i feel ive done right. out of everything ive been through. these two, were my rewards, for everything ive ever endured. because at the end of the day, i feel like as im tucking these two beautiful little boys into bed. as im reading them their book to them, or as im yelling at them to lay down && listen to me, ((lol)), they are my proof that they are all i need to survive in this crazy screwed up world. 

if your reading this, ((you know who you are))
then i still love you. after all the crazy fucked up shit ive been through with you. i love you, && i doubt anything would ever take that away. but im never coming back. i cant. 

i feel like when i finally do get the chance to move, when i finally do get the chance to run away from this town, everything will be better. like ill be free. like ill be safe. 

its a new start, a new beginning. for me && my babies. because for the past few weeks, its been just me && these kids against the world. && i feel like thats the way it should stay. dont get me wrong. a break every once in a while would be great. but this way, i cant miss one thing out of their lives. not one. 

these boys are my life, my love, my everything. but without them, im nothing, im incomplete, && empty.

so i guess enough for the ranting && raving.im gonna finish up this letter and cuddle up to my babies. we gotta long day ahead of us tomorrow. may god have his eyes && blessings on us. because this, this peace of mind, its what i need. i need to be baptized again. but first of all, i have to find a church i love going to. like back in the day.



Good night, sweet dreams to all my readers. Pray for me, as i pray for all of you.
<3 <3 <3 <3

three against the world.