Re-evaluating me ..

All ive ever fealt, is under appreciated ..
All ive ever been, is a step mat .. All ive ever been is walked all over ..
&& that time is over .. Because im sick of being a doormat
If you dont like what i have to say, if you dont like the choices i make or who i am, then walk out of my life .. Not because im finally standing up for myself like i shoulda done years ago, but because im trying to be mean, but if you cant treat me like i deserve, then you dont deserve my prescence

I may be difficult, but im easy going .. I may have my times where to you im complaining, but its only because i want advice .. I have my bad days, but even on those bad days, youll see a smile on mt face .. Because that is who ive become .. The girl who smiles through her pain .. Because ive learned .. The people that cause you pain, whether it be a bully, co-worker, parents, sibling, spouse, etc. if they cause you pain , they dont deserve you .. There is beauty in every human being .. Not just because they're 100 pounds tan && what society calls perfect .. But because each one of us has a purpose ..

For example .. I would go to the ends of this earth to :
#1. Make sure my boys are happy//taken care of// always safe && loved
&&
#2. To help people, to feel like i made a difference .. && to let them know ,they are important ..

Thats just me .. Its my calling .. Its what i want to do with my life .. I want to be the mother that is always there for her babies .. All 5 of them .. I want to go back to school to be a lpn .. I want start over .. Be me .. Be happy .. && be the woman every girl wishes to be .. I wanna be successful.. I just want to be me ..

There comes a time. .

When ur beyond tht point of healing. . Beyond tht point of trusting anyone. . Even urself .. when ur at tht point, to where u can't evn look in the mirror without being disgusted with ur own reflection. .
I'm there. . I feel like I have to compare myself to all those girls.. all those porn stars. .all the women u talked to. .
All the girls u slept with. . Or lusted aftr. .

&& Thts why I walked away. .
U really think walking away from something I got 5 beautiful kids out of didn't hurt? ? Or tht I don't actually fucking love u ??
No. . My problem was I loved u too much. . More than u deserved. . Because I gave u all of me. . I gave u more than anyone evr had. . && u took advantage of tht. .
U took advantage of me, && everything I evr did for u ..
&& Now its too late. . I'm sorry u can't hide the hurt like me. . I'm sorry u let emotions control u. . But Thts also how u let ur problem control u. . Is because u let it. .
U think it was easy going from doing meth every othr damn day. . To just stopping all togethr ?? No. . I fealt horrible. . Like I was gonna die. . But I didn't let it completely control me. . Because I wanted to be a bettr person. . Not for anyone. . But me. .

I gave u more time && devotion than u evr deserved. .
&& Since its too late. . I'm walking away && strting my life the way I want it to strt. . No more holding back. . No more control .. I live my life. . && U live urs. .

Good luck in finding the nxt girl who can handle u. .. all I kno is u deserved bettr the entire time. .
Sorry for breaking u completely. . But u could never fix me. . Cause ur the one who completely broke me. .