Pretty sure that you will never grow up

I'm pretty sick of being the ((wht it seems like)) only hopeless romantic out there .. the only one who writes things bettr than they can be said ..

I shoulda been a song writer
Or a poet ..
I'm sick of people who won't participate in their own kids lives, && calls me a bad mothr for not busting his ass && saying I let him get away with everything .. no .. I have a limit .. but the kids THREE FUCKING YEARS OLD !!!!! I'm not gonna bust his ass for an accident .. my God !! "Gd sofii u let him color on walls !!" Yea && I colored with them .. U wanna thro a fit ?? U wanna call me a shitty mother ?? Ull learn from ur fucking mistake !! I mean I kno u think I'm stupid !! But how many times have I proved otherwise ?? How many times in this reallationSHIT have u fucked up !!!!???!!! But I was the ignorant one for sticking around .. I'm not wasting my time anymore .. I'm not gonna stick to someone who's NEVER going to grow up .. Ull see one day when someone treats u the EXACT same way you've treated me .. && no to those who are reading .. I'm not complaining .. I'm taking a step up .. because I kno This isn't how it should be .. Me && my boys deserve bettr than this shit !! Times a million Gotta go .. I have cleaning to get my mind off shit to do I love u babies .. sleep tight .. sweet dreams .. I love you .. forevr && always <33

U can call it heated .. ill say I'm BEYOND PISSED !!!!

WTF HAS SOCIETY COME TO !!!???!!!

Really !!??!! Animal abuse has more funding than childhood cancer in the state of tn !!!!! Wtf !!!! I'm ready to climb onto my roof && scream at the top of my damn lungs !!!!!!! Altho it won't help much knowing I live in the sticks ..

My God people !! Wtf is your problem !! Ur telling me ur rather save a dog or cat that the world is over populated with anyway .. than a KID ?? IT MAY NOT BE YOUR CHILD .. as I was corrected today .. BUT ITS ANOTHER FAMILIES CHILD !! WTF !!!!!!

This world is pathetic !! U see a dog on the side of the road && drive right by .. but if they show u a few sad pictures of peoples animals that abused or neglected them u jump right on it ?? Right aftr seeing a commercial on St. Judes ??

Someone won't call for St. Judes but they'll call for a dog .. wow .. the human race is declining rapidly .. && honestly its making me SICK !! I literally sat with a friend balling my eyes out to the St. Judes commercial with her just sitting there .. she looked at me && said "u are ovr emotional" I looked at her && she knew she fucked up .. I said "excuse me ??!!??" She said my bad .. && kept on about her "horrible life" .. nxt came on a commercial about donating for abused && neglected animals .. she got on the internet .. gave them her credit card number .. && said "im a good person"  .. I looked at her && told her as nicely as I could to get the Fuck out of my house .. she thought i was kidding apparently .. because she laughed .. I stood up .. opened the door .. && told her to get out .. she asked "really ?? Just because I didn't donate to some sick kids ??"  "No .. because u think its a scam .. u think kids aren't dying every day because of this bullshit !! Because this is all a joke to u !! U don't kno wht a fucking horrible life is !! Ur nothing but an ignorant selfish bitch " .. she said " wow .. no I'm not the bitch .. u are " && walked out .. && added whole driving off "delete my number u stupid c***" .. I laughed .. DONE && DONE !! BTW UVE GOTTA LOT OF GROWING UP TO DO !! && came in .. here I am .. not evn 15 minutes latr && she's already telling her friends I'm selfish ..

I'm so ready to hit someone .. I wish I didn't live in the boonies where there's nothing but alcoholics && druggies out there .. I need some fresh air .. my hearts racing .. my bloods boiling .. dear Lord give me strength ..

Ima go cuddle with my sleeping babies .. all 4 of them .. they deserve tht ..

I hope tomorrows not cold .. I wanna take my kids to the park to jump in some leaves ..
They deserve to have an amazing day ..

G'night dollies who do read this .. its time to clean a bit && cuddle my babies <3

Watching you dream

Every night I walk in your room .. && realize how fucking lucky I am
To even have a chance to watch you both breath ..
To tuck u both in for the millionth time && just lay my head on both of ur chests .. && hear your little heart beats

With that said .. altho ur sound asleep in dream land .. ill cuddle up with y'all tonight .. && just soak up tht I have you both in my life

Thank you for saving me babies
If weren't for you both, I'd provably still be some little strung out druggie in California not caring about a thing in the world && complaining about everything possible .. when I finally know .. you don't have a right to complain .. until your losing your child .. until your watching your child's life be drained day by day

I love u Aiden Thomas Alexander Brewington
I love you Christopher Dewayne Brewington Jr

&& babies .. its just us against the world forever more

Goodnight darlings
Luhh u .. && sweet dreams

True devotional unconditional love

Love .. something tht doesn't exist anymore .. because sex got easier, love got harder .. when I say "hopeless romantic" people look at me like I'm crazy .. no one knows love anymore .. love is life .. not music .. love

No one knows true devotional unconditional love, like a mother ..

Ronan && Ty .. u both made me realize tht life is too short .. too short .. && unexpected ..

I don't care wht my kids do .. I'm always going to love my boys ..
I can't get mad at them like I used to before those angels ..

They saved me .. they saved my outlook on life ..

Its us against the world was my saying before it became a way to get people in bed ..

Its wht I say to my boys every night as I tuck them in .. its us against the world ..

&& forevr it will be us against the world ..

People make me sick .. its pathetic that my 3 year old has better manners than most boys do ..

My son holds the door opened for me, he kisses my hand, says yes ma'am .. etc ..

I love my kids .. they are my life .. idk where I'd be without them

So watching the recorded Katie Couric show today .. broke my heart all over again
Because not a day goes by where I don't think of you ro baby .. not a day goes by that I don't think of u Ty

I love u both
To the moon && back

For now, I gotta go .. I have a lot of unraveling to do ..

More blogging latr .. I have a feeling it'll be much needed

"Why did u do tht ??"

Still sitting at the er .. 4 hours later .. there was this baby down the hall , something was wrong with him .. he wasn't eating or drinking anything .. && boy oh boy was he crying .. I walked out of my dark little room, && walked right up to his door .. && knocked .. the woman said come in so I did .. I had a blue packet of fruit snacks in my back pocket .. I kneeled down to him && said hey. . I hear ur hurting .. he nodded .. && pointed at his hand .. he had an I.v drip giving him liquids .. I said ouch, tht looks like it hurts .. does it ?? He nodded again && tears started to fill his eyes .. I looked at him && said u must be a super hero .. he looked at me like wht ?? He nodded his head no .. I said well why not ?? I kno I can't be as brave as u are being right now .. I don't even think superman is this brave ..

He said I like tor .. tor is ny favorite .. I like his hammer, have one at home

I said ohhhhh well I guess ur stronger than Thor then .. cause not even Thor could be this awesome .. I asked him if he wanted the candy I had he said yes && I walked out && said .. keep being strong .. I wish i was as strong as u .. He smiled && said thank u .. His mom I guess is who she was ran out && asked me .. why did u do that ?? Why were u nice to my son, u don't kno him .. is it because u had to be ?? Are u a nurse here ?? I looked at her && slightly took offense " I'm not nice because I have to be .. I'm nice because I want to be .. I kno wht its like to see your child hurt && u feel helpless .. its just what I do .. " She had this look on her face like I had hit her with a cinder block .. Thank u .. there aren't enough people out there like u .. I wish there was more .. In the little boys room all I could hear was him talking to someone on the phone "yea she said I was stronger than Thor !!!! Am I ?? I got candy too !! I no scared no more !! Ima big boy, Ima super hero " Tht little boy made my day .. tht little boy made me wanna take mine home && bathe them in nothing but hugs && kisses until they're annoyed .. I miss my boys .. I can't wait to get outta this hospital ..

Sitting, waiting, && hoping ..

Well here I am, the Dr .. is it weird to hate being here .. but to want to be a Dr ?? Idk doesn't make sense in this head of mine .. but a lot of things have been going on for the past year to kinda bring up some questions .. like why is it an empty EMPTY bottle of shampoo can fall on my foot && instantly bruise ?? Why is it I'm not stressed, but my hair is falling out by the clumps .. why are my anxiety attacks getting worse ?? Nothings going on .. why did I have a seizure ??

So many questions .. so many possibilities .. hence the visit to the Dr ..

Ima do my best to get enough money to get a laptop .. because I'm sure it would be a hell of a lot easier than typing on this phone lol

I can't seem to get Ty or ro out of my head today .. it kinda seems like they're trying to give me ideas to help raise money for this bullshit of a monster that lives inside some kids ..

Like a candy sale, the balloon release yard sale .. selling some stuff on craigslist .. etc .. my son doesn't understand tht Ty is gone .. so everytime he asks if Ty can play yet .. I tell him yea tys better .. but he's sleeping .. he just looks at me && laughs .. "he not better if he seepin mama lol silly goose"

It breaks me every time .. how do u explain to a 3 year old tht his favorite person that he never got to meet is gone ??

Anyway, its almost my bday .. 2 days away ..
Ill be 22 ..

All I want for my bday .. is for people to kno about Ty && Ronan .. thts all I want .. is tht too much to ask ?? Like is it in any way selfish ?? I've never been one to ask for anything for my bday .. I always told people I didn't want anything but their company .. because tht was all I needed .. && it really is .. this year .. I just want my kids .. to hold them && love on them .. hmm .. because of Ty && ro baby .. I see my kids thru an entire different light .. they're beautiful .. amazing .. I shouldn't have had them .. literally .. the way my body developed , I wasn't supposed to carry kids .. so my 2 .. are miracles .. my two are all I need to push me in life .. because my 2 are my life .. i gotta go for now tho .. seems as if I'm in my own little world even tho the nurse has been calling me for 2 minutes ..

Thank u for reading ..

Tonights been pretty emotional

After knowing about tay, reading about Ronan && now sweet little Ty .. knowing there are hundreds more out there with this monster inside them is tearing me apart .. because I don't know what I would do if my boys left my side .. my heart breaks at the thought of losing either one of them ..

I'm going to do something about this .. I have to .. I wish I had a laptop right now .. it would probably make typing && ranting a lot easier

It would be easier to post how I really feel .. it would be easier to let people know what's really going on in this world && how the government && society is trying to keep this hush hush because they don't want you or anyone to know what these treatments really do to kids .. how it slowly destroys them && takes away their lives .. their abilities to walk .. their abilities to be kids

Damn .. I have tears in my eyes just thinking about this .. this is our time .. this is our time to speak for all those innocent babies && kids who can't anymore .. for all the grieving mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers , aunts uncles && grandparents .. for all those babies who will never get the chance to meet their big brothers or sisters ..

Now is our time

So plz .. stand up to cancer

Better than that
Stand up to childhood cancer