Saturday, May 19, 2018

The best thing I ever did for myself;

I use to wonder what you thought about when you looked up at the sky && saw the stars, or the moon at night, knowing that those were my favorite things to ever look at.
&& then I found myself thinking less && less of you.
I found myself caring less && less.
&& then the truth came out. && I found out,
what I have now, is love. 

Love is unconditional
Love is forgiving
Love is the man I found

Never in my life, have I ever felt as safe,
as complete,
as whole, 
as I do now.

The fact that I no longer have to beg for things like attention,
like love,
for affection, 
is the best feeling in the world.

The fact that I no longer have to beg for my children to be important in this mans life,
is empowering. 
Because I know, in all reality,
He loves them because they are his own.

He supports every decision && dream they've ever had.
He knows every dream && nightmare they've ever had.
Their favorite colors, their "worst enemies," && their best friends.

Because this man values not only the boys mental health, 
but the food that goes in their little bodies.
He cares about their grades, their stories, their projects.
From tucking them in at night, to walking them into school every morning.
He's more than we could have ever prayed for.
But yet, every day, every morning, every night, there he is. 


He celebrates with every victory && even every loss.
He kisses every bit of hurt away.
Whether it be, my kids or me.


Not once has his hands ever touched my kids nor me in a hurtful way.

Not once nor ever will this mans hands, hurt us; physically, mentally, spiritually, or emotionally.
This man is our saving grace. 
&& I cant wait for all of us to spend the rest of our lives with him.

&& as for the rest of the world, it can either grow up && learn where things went wrong. 
OR it can get the hell out, && deal with the fact that for once, we are all happy && complete.


For once, life is perfect.
&& as I sit here && drink my tea, watching the sun rise, getting ready to hold my boys && my love;

i realize, 

I wouldn't have it any other way.


1 Corinthians 13:4-8 New International Version (NIV)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

Thursday, February 1, 2018

And in case you're wondering about the new business I'm in......

Have you ever wondered about being off of medication completely?
Coming from someone with severe ptsd, severe anxiety, severe depression, ocd, adhd, addiction issues, insomnia, border personality disorder, an eating disorder, etc. I had so many meds I had to take every morning && night. && when doing so, I had just about every side effect you could ever imagine to come with a medicine. 

I've tried everything, but my favorite was essential oils. Now, its definitely by far && the most amazing shit ever!! CBD OIL! Since its been legal, my children && I are all off of meds. (ask me how)


Hempworx.com/sofiibrew

Thats where you get a bottle. && if instead of first buying a bottle, feel free to message me about samples, or the team that I am now a part of.

Thanks to those of you who actually do give a damn && take time out of your super busy life to read. I love you all  :)


I feel like its going to do nothing but get better from here.....

Ever since I started this lovely little journey called life, I've been a mother, a daughter, a wife, an addict, a survivor, a winner, a loser. Ive been fat, skinny, sick, healthy. I've been it all. 
& it wasn't until recently I realized that it can do nothing but go up from here! 


When you get away from a man who never cared for you like he claimed, you go through a lot! Whether it be denial, heartache, relapse, whatever the journey, its there. 
Its been almost three whole solid years of me literally beating myself up for all the stupid shit I've done in my life. Especially after those previous years.
You try being broken beyond repair. You try getting beat, && almost killed by someone you thought loved you. && then I want you to try on for size, what it feels like, to again fall into their trap, their lie, just like all the other girls did, when hes happily with someone.
It wasn't until my conscience broke through yelling, "HEY DUMB ASS!!! REMEMBER BEFORE? REMEMBER MEGAN? REMEMBER ALICIA? your just the side girl, like they were. the secret that he doesn't want to show off. Just like every time before."
It wasn't until then, i realized, i have the entire world in my hands! WHY THE FUCK WOULD I GO BACK TO THAT?!?

I have an amazing man who I'm planning life with! I have two beautiful boys that he claims as his. I've helped so many people working at this rehab. I'm continuing to help people everyday in the business I'm not conducting. This is all I've ever wanted to do! && everyday I have to keep asking myself, what was I thinking? To look that far back & think that's what I needed?

Life has a funny way of working. && everyday I'm looking more && more forward to it. 

Everyday is a journey. Everyday is an adventure. Take everyday like its your last.
That's the best advice I could ever give any. Because that's what i live for.