Imagine running, from seven a.m to 7 p.m. No breaks, no rest, no stops for water. Nothing. Just running.
Eventually, your muscles will give in to exhaustion. But you have to keep running, because its life or death.
Imagine your body being in constant fight or flight mode. Imagine how tiring that would be?
The only reasons I use these excuses, is because I know the physical && mental affects of doing both those things.
Your heart && your mind are on a literal on edge feeling all day. Your mind races constantly. Sometimes of things that aren't even real. They aren't current. Theyre not happening. && I think that's the most draining part of anxiety. Always creating scenarios in your head. Why? Because youre putting your body through the emotional trauma of the scenario you've created in your head, without the actual trauma occurring.
When you have anxiety, simple tasks like talking on the phone, are impossible. You can hear your heart in your head, your breathing echoes throughout your head. It feels so much like the world is falling apart right in front of you, when in reality its nowhere near it.
Imagine feeling what watching the world fall apart over && over feels like. Imagine what it would feel like every day. every hour. of every second.
Imagine feeling like EVERYONE was going to hurt you. && that the reason they hurt you in the first place, after knowing what you've been through, was because they knew they could get away with it. They knew that you'd take them back anyway. Imagine disconnecting from everyone && everything.
\Imagine that even when you slept, it wasn't comforting, because all you had were nightmares. Imagine constantly shaking, sometimes uncontrollably. Imagine an elephant sitting on your chest, like your ribs were going to break, && that's how you knew an anxiety attack was going to hit. && Imagine that all the time, where every breath you took felt like it was going to be your last.
&& think, people with anxiety deal with this everyday. You know when we've finally snapped when all we can do is cry. Which is where I'm at. && its where I've been for the past two days. Its harder than most people can imagine. Going through something like this every day. Some days are worse than others. But for some reason lately, its leaving me powerless. Which makes me want to do nothing more than push people away. Because I'm either going to hurt them, or like everyone before, they're going to hurt me.
It doesn't matter how many times we're told we're not going to get hurt, that scenario is still there. everyday, of every hour, of every second.
I feel like I'm never going to get better. No matter how many times people say its going to be okay.
But honestly I'd rather them try to make me feel okay, than just leave it there.
